Great Link
The Trouble Tree.
or
http://www.thetroubletreemovie.com/
Kevin
My Podcast
http://raynerresources.mypodcast.com/
Monday, June 04, 2007
Friday, March 31, 2006
Wolf
The Wolf
Radio personality Paul Harvey tells the story of how an Eskimo kills a wolf. The account is grisly, yet it offers fresh insight into the consuming, self-destructive nature of sin.
"First, the Eskimo coats his knife blade with animal blood and allows it to freeze. Then he adds another layer of blood, and another, until the blade is completely concealed by frozen blood.
"Next, the hunter fixes his knife in the ground with the blade up. When a wolf follows his sensitive nose to the source of the scent and discovers the bait, he licks it, tasting the fresh frozen blood. He begins to lick faster, more and more vigorously, lapping the blade until the keen edge is bare. Feverishly now, harder and harder the wolf licks the blade in the arctic night.
So great becomes his craving for blood that the wolf does not notice the razor-sharp sting of the naked blade on his own tongue, nor does he recognize the instant at which his insatiable thirst is being satisfied by his OWN warm blood. His carnivorous appetite just craves more--until the dawn finds him dead in the snow!"
It is a fearful thing that people can be "consumed by their own lusts." Only God's grace keeps us from the wolf's fate.
Radio personality Paul Harvey tells the story of how an Eskimo kills a wolf. The account is grisly, yet it offers fresh insight into the consuming, self-destructive nature of sin.
"First, the Eskimo coats his knife blade with animal blood and allows it to freeze. Then he adds another layer of blood, and another, until the blade is completely concealed by frozen blood.
"Next, the hunter fixes his knife in the ground with the blade up. When a wolf follows his sensitive nose to the source of the scent and discovers the bait, he licks it, tasting the fresh frozen blood. He begins to lick faster, more and more vigorously, lapping the blade until the keen edge is bare. Feverishly now, harder and harder the wolf licks the blade in the arctic night.
So great becomes his craving for blood that the wolf does not notice the razor-sharp sting of the naked blade on his own tongue, nor does he recognize the instant at which his insatiable thirst is being satisfied by his OWN warm blood. His carnivorous appetite just craves more--until the dawn finds him dead in the snow!"
It is a fearful thing that people can be "consumed by their own lusts." Only God's grace keeps us from the wolf's fate.
Sunday, May 27, 2001
Wednesday, February 14, 2001
Scars of His Love
"SCARS OF HIS LOVE"
Some years ago on a hot summer day in south Florida a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house.
In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.
His mother, in the house was looking out the window, saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, she ran toward the water, yelling to her son as loudly as she could. Hearing her voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his mother.
It was too late. Just as he reached her, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the mother grabbed her little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two.
The alligator was much stronger than the mother, but the mother was much too passionate to let go.
A farmer happened to drive by, heard her screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.
Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived.
His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his mother's fingernails dug into his flesh in her effort to hang on to the son she loved.
The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs.
And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my mommy wouldn't let go."
You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, or anything quite so dramatic. But, the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret.
But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go.
In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you. The Scripture teaches that God loves you. If you have Christ in your life, you have become a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way.
But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-o-war begins, and if you have the scars of His love on your arms be very, very grateful.
He did not - and will not - let you go. Time is a very precious gift of God; so precious that it's only given to us moment by moment.
Think about it warmly,
Kevin Rayner
2/14/2001
Some years ago on a hot summer day in south Florida a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house.
In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.
His mother, in the house was looking out the window, saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, she ran toward the water, yelling to her son as loudly as she could. Hearing her voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his mother.
It was too late. Just as he reached her, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the mother grabbed her little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two.
The alligator was much stronger than the mother, but the mother was much too passionate to let go.
A farmer happened to drive by, heard her screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.
Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived.
His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his mother's fingernails dug into his flesh in her effort to hang on to the son she loved.
The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs.
And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my mommy wouldn't let go."
You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, or anything quite so dramatic. But, the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret.
But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go.
In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you. The Scripture teaches that God loves you. If you have Christ in your life, you have become a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way.
But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-o-war begins, and if you have the scars of His love on your arms be very, very grateful.
He did not - and will not - let you go. Time is a very precious gift of God; so precious that it's only given to us moment by moment.
Think about it warmly,
Kevin Rayner
2/14/2001
Thursday, January 04, 2001
Jesus Came for a Visit
Suzan went to her mailbox and there was only one letter. She picked it up and looked at it before opening, but then she looked at the envelope again. There was no stamp, no postmark, only her name and address. She read the letter:
Dear Suzan,
I'm going to be in your neighborhood Saturday afternoon, and I'd like to stop by for a visit.
Love Always,
Jesus
Her hands were shaking as she placed the letter on the table. "Why would the Lord want to visit me? I'm nobody special. I don't have anything to offer." With that thought, Suzan remembered her empty kitchen cabinets. "Oh my goodness, I really don't have anything to offer. I'll have to run down to the store and buy something for dinner." She reached for her purse and counted out its contents. Five dollars and forty cents. "Well, I can get some bread and cold cuts, at least." She threw on her coat and hurried out the door. A loaf of French bread, a half-pound of sliced turkey, and a carton of milk, leaving Suzan with grand total of twelve cents to last her until Monday. Nonetheless, she felt good as she headed home, her meager offerings tucked under her arm.
"Hey lady, can you help us, lady?" Suzan had been so absorbed in her dinner plans, she hadn't even noticed two figures huddled in the alleyway. A man and a woman, both of them dressed in little more than rags. "Look lady, I ain't got a job, ya know, and my wife and I have been living out here on the street, and, well, now it's getting cold and we're getting kinda hungry and, well, if you could help us, lady, we'd really appreciate it." Suzan looked at them both. They were dirty, they smelled bad and, frankly, she was certain that they could get some kind of work if they really wanted to. "Sir, I'd like to help you, but I'm a poor woman myself. All I have is a few cold cuts and some bread, and I'm having an important guest for dinner tonight, and I was planning on serving that to Him." "Yeah, well, okay lady, I understand. Thanks anyway." The man put his arm around the woman's shoulders, turned and headed back into the alley. As she watched them leave, Suzan felt a familiar twinge in her heart. "Sir, wait!" The couple stopped and turned as she ran down the alley after them. "Look, why don't you take this food. I'll figure out something else to serve my guest." She handed the man her grocery bag. "Thank you lady. Thank you very much!" "Yes, thank you!" It was the man's wife, and Suzan could see now that she was shivering. "You know, I've got another coat at home. Here, why don't you take this one." Suzan unbuttoned her jacket and slipped it over the woman's shoulders. Then smiling, she turned and walked back to the street, without her coat and with nothing to serve her guest. "Thank you lady! Thank you very much!" Suzan was chilled by the time she reached her front door, and worried too. The Lord was coming to visit, and she didn't have anything to offer Him. She fumbled through her purse for the door key. But as she did, she noticed another envelope in her mailbox. "That's odd. The mailman doesn't usually come twice in one day." She took the envelope out of the box and opened it.
Dear Suzan,
It was so good to see you again. Thank you for the lovely meal. And thank you, too, for the beautiful coat.
Love Always,
Jesus
The air was still cold, but even without her coat, Suzan no longer noticed.
Think about it warmly,
Kevin Rayner
1/4/2001
Dear Suzan,
I'm going to be in your neighborhood Saturday afternoon, and I'd like to stop by for a visit.
Love Always,
Jesus
Her hands were shaking as she placed the letter on the table. "Why would the Lord want to visit me? I'm nobody special. I don't have anything to offer." With that thought, Suzan remembered her empty kitchen cabinets. "Oh my goodness, I really don't have anything to offer. I'll have to run down to the store and buy something for dinner." She reached for her purse and counted out its contents. Five dollars and forty cents. "Well, I can get some bread and cold cuts, at least." She threw on her coat and hurried out the door. A loaf of French bread, a half-pound of sliced turkey, and a carton of milk, leaving Suzan with grand total of twelve cents to last her until Monday. Nonetheless, she felt good as she headed home, her meager offerings tucked under her arm.
"Hey lady, can you help us, lady?" Suzan had been so absorbed in her dinner plans, she hadn't even noticed two figures huddled in the alleyway. A man and a woman, both of them dressed in little more than rags. "Look lady, I ain't got a job, ya know, and my wife and I have been living out here on the street, and, well, now it's getting cold and we're getting kinda hungry and, well, if you could help us, lady, we'd really appreciate it." Suzan looked at them both. They were dirty, they smelled bad and, frankly, she was certain that they could get some kind of work if they really wanted to. "Sir, I'd like to help you, but I'm a poor woman myself. All I have is a few cold cuts and some bread, and I'm having an important guest for dinner tonight, and I was planning on serving that to Him." "Yeah, well, okay lady, I understand. Thanks anyway." The man put his arm around the woman's shoulders, turned and headed back into the alley. As she watched them leave, Suzan felt a familiar twinge in her heart. "Sir, wait!" The couple stopped and turned as she ran down the alley after them. "Look, why don't you take this food. I'll figure out something else to serve my guest." She handed the man her grocery bag. "Thank you lady. Thank you very much!" "Yes, thank you!" It was the man's wife, and Suzan could see now that she was shivering. "You know, I've got another coat at home. Here, why don't you take this one." Suzan unbuttoned her jacket and slipped it over the woman's shoulders. Then smiling, she turned and walked back to the street, without her coat and with nothing to serve her guest. "Thank you lady! Thank you very much!" Suzan was chilled by the time she reached her front door, and worried too. The Lord was coming to visit, and she didn't have anything to offer Him. She fumbled through her purse for the door key. But as she did, she noticed another envelope in her mailbox. "That's odd. The mailman doesn't usually come twice in one day." She took the envelope out of the box and opened it.
Dear Suzan,
It was so good to see you again. Thank you for the lovely meal. And thank you, too, for the beautiful coat.
Love Always,
Jesus
The air was still cold, but even without her coat, Suzan no longer noticed.
Think about it warmly,
Kevin Rayner
1/4/2001
Thursday, December 21, 2000
Grace of God
The story is told of a patient in a mental ward who attended chapel services with the other patients in the ward. The chaplain who spoke was so confusing that one of the patients going out was heard to say, "There, but for the grace of God, go I."
You think about it warmly,
Kevin Rayner
12/21/2000
You think about it warmly,
Kevin Rayner
12/21/2000
How to Build a Non-Judgmental Christian Community
Friday, October 20, 2000
Phillips 66
I grew up in Oklahoma in a city on Hwy 66 where Phillips 66 has a major influence. Here in Minnesota they are not very strong compared to Oklahoma. Did you ever ask where they got their name?
Most companies want to have a catchy name and a trademark people will notice. However, some trademarks come about in strange ways. Take Phillips 66, for example. Over the years, Phillips Petroleum has been deluged with inquiries about its choice of "66." Some believed that one of the company’s founders was sixty-six years old (he was really forty-four). Another fable alleges that co-founders Frank and L. E. Phillips had just $66 in their pockets when they first struck oil. One lady even protested that the "66" referred to the number of books in the Bible, which in her opinion was "bad taste commercialism."
With all of the erroneous stories floating around, surely there must be a logical reason the company chose "66." The truth is that Phillips was seeking a trademark for its first gasoline, which was to go on sale November 19, 1927. Like all businesses, the company wanted something catchy and descriptive, something that would arouse curiosity. Some of the scientists suggested "66" because that was the specific gravity of the new fuel. However, this was rejected since future gasolines might have different specific gravities. Then someone mentioned that Phillips’ first refinery was located on Highway 66. But that seemed to limit the gasoline to a regional area. On the evening of the meeting to select a trademark, a Phillips official hurrying to arrive on time exclaimed to the driver of his speeding vehicle, "This car goes like sixty on our new gas!" "Sixty, nothing," answered the driver, "we’re doing sixty-six!" "Where did this happen?" he was asked at the meeting. "On Highway 66." That settled it. The trademark became "Phillips 66."
If you’re looking for a catchy phrase, see what catches on. J. R. Lowell said, "Attention is the stuff that memory is made of, and memory is accumulated genius."
Hopefully when people come in contact with churches, they will go away with remembering Jesus.
You think about it!
Warmly,
Kevin Rayner
October 20, 2000
Most companies want to have a catchy name and a trademark people will notice. However, some trademarks come about in strange ways. Take Phillips 66, for example. Over the years, Phillips Petroleum has been deluged with inquiries about its choice of "66." Some believed that one of the company’s founders was sixty-six years old (he was really forty-four). Another fable alleges that co-founders Frank and L. E. Phillips had just $66 in their pockets when they first struck oil. One lady even protested that the "66" referred to the number of books in the Bible, which in her opinion was "bad taste commercialism."
With all of the erroneous stories floating around, surely there must be a logical reason the company chose "66." The truth is that Phillips was seeking a trademark for its first gasoline, which was to go on sale November 19, 1927. Like all businesses, the company wanted something catchy and descriptive, something that would arouse curiosity. Some of the scientists suggested "66" because that was the specific gravity of the new fuel. However, this was rejected since future gasolines might have different specific gravities. Then someone mentioned that Phillips’ first refinery was located on Highway 66. But that seemed to limit the gasoline to a regional area. On the evening of the meeting to select a trademark, a Phillips official hurrying to arrive on time exclaimed to the driver of his speeding vehicle, "This car goes like sixty on our new gas!" "Sixty, nothing," answered the driver, "we’re doing sixty-six!" "Where did this happen?" he was asked at the meeting. "On Highway 66." That settled it. The trademark became "Phillips 66."
If you’re looking for a catchy phrase, see what catches on. J. R. Lowell said, "Attention is the stuff that memory is made of, and memory is accumulated genius."
Hopefully when people come in contact with churches, they will go away with remembering Jesus.
You think about it!
Warmly,
Kevin Rayner
October 20, 2000
Sunday, October 01, 2000
Christian Home Valuable
Two baby boys born in 1889 were to change our world. One was born in Austria to an abusive father and an indifferent mother who handed the child over to an aunt to raise after her husband's death.
The sixteen-year-old dropped out of school, drifted from job to job, joined the military, and was imprisoned for leading an attempted insurrection. He became a political activist.
The other little boy born in 1889 was born to a simple Texas family. "God fearing" folks who moved the child to a Kansas farm. The boy was taught prayer and Bible reading. Christian influences surrounded him. The boy grew strong, went to West Point, then on to a career in the military.
On June 6, 1944, the world watched these two do combat on the field of battle. For eleven months, Adolf Hitler's Third Reich battled the forces of Dwight David Eisenhower, commander of the Allied Invasion Force. On April 30, 1945, Hitler died by his own hand in the rubble of Berlin - much of the world cheered. Twenty-four years later Eisenhower died, the world mourned.
A Christian home can impact the destiny of an entire world, can't it?
The sixteen-year-old dropped out of school, drifted from job to job, joined the military, and was imprisoned for leading an attempted insurrection. He became a political activist.
The other little boy born in 1889 was born to a simple Texas family. "God fearing" folks who moved the child to a Kansas farm. The boy was taught prayer and Bible reading. Christian influences surrounded him. The boy grew strong, went to West Point, then on to a career in the military.
On June 6, 1944, the world watched these two do combat on the field of battle. For eleven months, Adolf Hitler's Third Reich battled the forces of Dwight David Eisenhower, commander of the Allied Invasion Force. On April 30, 1945, Hitler died by his own hand in the rubble of Berlin - much of the world cheered. Twenty-four years later Eisenhower died, the world mourned.
A Christian home can impact the destiny of an entire world, can't it?
"Being a Christian"
Tuesday, August 08, 2000
Logo Symbols
I have planted churches since 1979. Other than the obvious scriptural items, the next thing in planting churches for me has been deciding on unique names and logo. Picture say a thousand words. Slogans speak volumes too.
A unique and distinctive name or symbol helps you establish recognition. What distinctive traits do people see in you—and remember you by? This tells a great deal about who you are trying to serve.
The Eastman Kodak company calls its name one of its most valuable assets. How did the Kodak name come into being? According to George Eastman, the company’s founder, he purposely invented the unique name out of thin air. In a 1920s article from System Magazine, Eastman is quoted as saying, “I devised the name myself the letter K had been a favorite with me. It seemed a strong, incisive sort of letter.... It became a question of trying out a number of combinations of letters that made words starting and ending with K.” The word Kodak was devised after a considerable search for a word that would be short, unique, easy to spell, and meet requirements of the trademark law. Eastman wrote, “There is, you know, commercial value in having a peculiar name; it cannot be imitated or counterfeited.”
Kodak was first registered as a trademark in 1888. The first Kodak camera sold for $25 and came loaded with film for 100 exposures. Owners would return the entire camera for processing, and for $10 it was filled with a new roll of film. The pictures were of good quality, and the easy-to-use camera brought photography to the masses. Since that time, the Kodak name has served the company well. Because “Kodak” had no meaning of its own, it could only be associated with the company. It was also almost impossible to misspell. Now registered in ninety countries, the Kodak name has become a trademark that is unique and distinctive.
Jesus never named His church, it was always referred to in words that described. Maybe it is more important to be people like Christ. Adlai E. Stevenson (1900-1965) said, "All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions."
You think about it!
Kevin Rayner
Tecumseh, OK
http://hcoct.org/minister.html
One other note from Jim Winner: Kevin, thank you for your service. I wonder if you hear that often?
I am writing out of a small since of desperation. I preach south of you, in the southern most part of the Chicago area. I have been here a little over a year.
I know you may get more requests than you have the ability to fill. My wife's name is Jamie. Jamie will be turning 40 on her birthday. I had always planned to make it a special one for her. She made a big deal out of my 40th birthday seven years ago, and the wheels of genius never stopped as I planned to outdo her. Unfortunately, last December she had her first (right) hip replacement. Since then, and for months before, she has been disabled. She goes into the hospital to have her left hip replaced on the 25th of August. That is her birthday.
I know she would be moved if people would shower her with birthday cards. Most people have no idea what it is like to have a hip replaced at her age, let alone both of them. A little encouragement will go a long way, especially with someone like Jamie.
I am sure your notes go out to many people who know Jamie, through one of the church works we have been involved in, or through our time at Sunset.
It should be sent to her attention, (Jamie Winner) at Cherry Hill Church of Christ, 2759 Lancaster Drive. Joliet, Illinois, 60433. I will take the cards to her at the hospital.
Thank you, Jim Winner
A unique and distinctive name or symbol helps you establish recognition. What distinctive traits do people see in you—and remember you by? This tells a great deal about who you are trying to serve.
The Eastman Kodak company calls its name one of its most valuable assets. How did the Kodak name come into being? According to George Eastman, the company’s founder, he purposely invented the unique name out of thin air. In a 1920s article from System Magazine, Eastman is quoted as saying, “I devised the name myself the letter K had been a favorite with me. It seemed a strong, incisive sort of letter.... It became a question of trying out a number of combinations of letters that made words starting and ending with K.” The word Kodak was devised after a considerable search for a word that would be short, unique, easy to spell, and meet requirements of the trademark law. Eastman wrote, “There is, you know, commercial value in having a peculiar name; it cannot be imitated or counterfeited.”
Kodak was first registered as a trademark in 1888. The first Kodak camera sold for $25 and came loaded with film for 100 exposures. Owners would return the entire camera for processing, and for $10 it was filled with a new roll of film. The pictures were of good quality, and the easy-to-use camera brought photography to the masses. Since that time, the Kodak name has served the company well. Because “Kodak” had no meaning of its own, it could only be associated with the company. It was also almost impossible to misspell. Now registered in ninety countries, the Kodak name has become a trademark that is unique and distinctive.
Jesus never named His church, it was always referred to in words that described. Maybe it is more important to be people like Christ. Adlai E. Stevenson (1900-1965) said, "All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions."
You think about it!
Kevin Rayner
Tecumseh, OK
http://hcoct.org/minister.html
One other note from Jim Winner: Kevin, thank you for your service. I wonder if you hear that often?
I am writing out of a small since of desperation. I preach south of you, in the southern most part of the Chicago area. I have been here a little over a year.
I know you may get more requests than you have the ability to fill. My wife's name is Jamie. Jamie will be turning 40 on her birthday. I had always planned to make it a special one for her. She made a big deal out of my 40th birthday seven years ago, and the wheels of genius never stopped as I planned to outdo her. Unfortunately, last December she had her first (right) hip replacement. Since then, and for months before, she has been disabled. She goes into the hospital to have her left hip replaced on the 25th of August. That is her birthday.
I know she would be moved if people would shower her with birthday cards. Most people have no idea what it is like to have a hip replaced at her age, let alone both of them. A little encouragement will go a long way, especially with someone like Jamie.
I am sure your notes go out to many people who know Jamie, through one of the church works we have been involved in, or through our time at Sunset.
It should be sent to her attention, (Jamie Winner) at Cherry Hill Church of Christ, 2759 Lancaster Drive. Joliet, Illinois, 60433. I will take the cards to her at the hospital.
Thank you, Jim Winner
Monday, February 14, 2000
Seven Ages of the Married Cold
This is not to say it is the way it should be, but challenging to make it better.
1st year--The husband says, "Oh, sweete pie, I'm really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's been going around. I'm going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I'm going to bring you some takeout from Tosini's. I've already arranged it with the head nurse."
2nd year--"Listen, honey, I don't like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he's going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don't you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?"
3rd year--"Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I'll bring you something - do we have any canned soup around here?"
4th year--"No sense wearing yourself out when you're under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids' baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!"
5th year--"Why don't you take a couple aspirin?"
6th year--"You oughta go gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog!"
7th year--"For pete's sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You'd better pick up some tissues while you're at the store.
Warmly,
Kevin Rayner
November 10, 2000
Seven Ages of the Married Cold
-----------------------------------------
1st year--The husband says, "Oh, sweete pie, I'm really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's been going around. I'm going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I'm going to bring you some takeout from Tosini's. I've already arranged it with the head nurse."
2nd year--"Listen, honey, I don't like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he's going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don't you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?"
3rd year--"Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I'll bring you something - do we have any canned soup around here?"
4th year--"No sense wearing yourself out when you're under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids' baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!"
5th year--"Why don't you take a couple aspirin?"
6th year--"You oughta go gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog!"
7th year--"For pete's sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You'd better pick up some tissues while you're at the store.
Warmly,
Kevin Rayner
November 10, 2000
A judge was interviewing a man regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
He replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," he responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my wife's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," he replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Sir, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," he replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My wife does. She claims she's having difficulty communicating with me!"
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