Seven Ages of the Married Cold
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1st year--The husband says, "Oh, sweete pie, I'm really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's been going around. I'm going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I'm going to bring you some takeout from Tosini's. I've already arranged it with the head nurse."
2nd year--"Listen, honey, I don't like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he's going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don't you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?"
3rd year--"Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I'll bring you something - do we have any canned soup around here?"
4th year--"No sense wearing yourself out when you're under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids' baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!"
5th year--"Why don't you take a couple aspirin?"
6th year--"You oughta go gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog!"
7th year--"For pete's sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You'd better pick up some tissues while you're at the store.
Warmly,
Kevin Rayner
November 10, 2000
A judge was interviewing a man regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
He replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," he responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my wife's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," he replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Sir, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," he replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My wife does. She claims she's having difficulty communicating with me!"
